Yesterday I was going through pictures on my Facebook. I am a Criminal Justice major and almost all of my professors are telling us to make sure we have nothing on our Facebook that could possibly make us or break us when it comes to the hiring process.
I started to delete photos of any underage drinking that I had during my first two years of college. Then I started to just notice how I looked in a lot of my pictures. I hated the way I looked in pictures. I hated that I was always the overweight friend. The black sheep of the family. The third wheel in many cases, which was always awkward.
I pretended that I was enjoying life, when in real life I hated it.
I always had a smile painted on my face. That was just a disguise.
I got so mad at myself while looking at these pictures. How could I have been so lazy and let myself go to get to the weight I was? Why didn't anyone stop me sooner? Why wasn't I taught more about physical fitness and nutrition at an early age?
Eventually, I deleted almost all of my photo albums. I untagged myself in a lot of pictures and deleted a ton just from pictures I had put up by myself.
I have noticed lately, that I don't want people to know that I was ever 231 pounds. I don't want to remember what I looked like at 231 pounds. I was ashamed of myself.
But at the same time, I want to look at myself and realize how far I've come. There came a point in my life where I got sick of being over weight. I got tired of not being looked at as a person but a lazy piece of shit. I got tired of everyone of my siblings being called good looking and I was the one with the great smile.
Deleting those pictures gave me relief. But I will always remember where I started from. I'll never forget that.
I feel like I have a fresh start to this next chapter in my life. And I love it.